eating disorder

An Improved Lesson on Putting Myself First

Here we go again!

This semester was all about… well, everything except me.

  • Tutoring anyone and everyone who asked
  • Helping my friends and family struggling mentally and physically
  • German club planning and chairing
  • Watching over the girls who lived in the building I was employed in
  • Sending out emails and tweeting for organizations I belonged to
  • Spreading the word about environmentalism
  • Driving people where they needed to go
  • Studying hard for classes I was told to take

Somehow I ended up rarely eating, sleeping, or breathing. Before I even acknowledged there was a problem, I ended up in an eating disorder treatment facility. I was still in disbelief and worried about letting everyone down because I was no longer able to fill my obligations bulleted above.

I felt guilty and ashamed. I attempted to slip out of my life without anyone noticing.

Since then I have noticed that shame hates when we tell our story so that is exactly what I am going to start doing.

I never really thought that I was special or different. But I did. I expected myself to accomplish more than what I expected of others. I criticized myself more than anyone else. I reminded everyone that nobody is perfect, but hated myself for my imperfections.

Now I believe I am closer than ever to living an authentic life. The final six weeks of the semester were dedicated to healing and authenticity. I did not end the semester perfectly. I ended it a lot different than the beginning would have suggested.

It has been hard to put my life on hold, but when I return I will be living life in a way I never had before. I will be real, perfectly imperfect, and courageous.

I have always wanted to be courageous, but I didn’t think it was possible.  Mary Daly’s words inspired me when she said,

Courage is like — it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue:  You get it by courageous acts.  It’s like you learn to swim by swimming.  You learn courage by couraging.

This post is proof that I am couraging.

I hope to continue the trend of sharing my truth. Let me know what y’all think!