Here we go again!
This semester was all about… well, everything except me.
- Tutoring anyone and everyone who asked
- Helping my friends and family struggling mentally and physically
- German club planning and chairing
- Watching over the girls who lived in the building I was employed in
- Sending out emails and tweeting for organizations I belonged to
- Spreading the word about environmentalism
- Driving people where they needed to go
- Studying hard for classes I was told to take
Somehow I ended up rarely eating, sleeping, or breathing. Before I even acknowledged there was a problem, I ended up in an eating disorder treatment facility. I was still in disbelief and worried about letting everyone down because I was no longer able to fill my obligations bulleted above.
I felt guilty and ashamed. I attempted to slip out of my life without anyone noticing.
Since then I have noticed that shame hates when we tell our story so that is exactly what I am going to start doing.
I never really thought that I was special or different. But I did. I expected myself to accomplish more than what I expected of others. I criticized myself more than anyone else. I reminded everyone that nobody is perfect, but hated myself for my imperfections.
Now I believe I am closer than ever to living an authentic life. The final six weeks of the semester were dedicated to healing and authenticity. I did not end the semester perfectly. I ended it a lot different than the beginning would have suggested.
It has been hard to put my life on hold, but when I return I will be living life in a way I never had before. I will be real, perfectly imperfect, and courageous.
I have always wanted to be courageous, but I didn’t think it was possible. Mary Daly’s words inspired me when she said,
Courage is like — it’s a habitus, a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging.
This post is proof that I am couraging.
I hope to continue the trend of sharing my truth. Let me know what y’all think!